Sensei - without physical presence

My Tai Chi Teacher (Sensei) has now retired from everyday instruction in the Art of Tai Chi. As far as I know he now does Free Form and unfortunately there is no 'news' that I can pass on to you about him or his present activities because (for his own reasons) his 'retirement' (or contactability) has become 'comprehensive and these days I see nothing of him at all.
I am of course both saddened and disappointed by this, but nevertheless forever grateful and the better off for knowing him and for glimpses of the deep dedication of that person who I still refer to as 'my teacher'.

This is not the first time that my Sensei has confounded with a disappearing act! Whilst each occasion has been shocking to experience, I have apparently lived to tell the tale and with gratitude and appreciation I now myself instruct others the Gentle Art. I must assume that I am doing OK - without Sensei's physical presence for now - and carry on as if.

Good-bye

Sensei's first disappearing act before me occurred in 1993. In hindsight, and contrary to my feelings at the time, I now accept that what he did was 'for the best all around'. There follows a brief telling of my first good-bye to Sensei.

Sensei's approach and style was like nothing I had ever experienced from any teacher or instructor before. He was very gentle, relaxed and easygoing; yet determined and thorough.

The group of beginners that I joined first was about ten in number. In a matter of weeks this reduced to four. I have since come to understand (and perhaps be confirmation of the statistic myself) that the 'continue' rate for Tai Chi is actually only around about one in ten. By the end of my first year with Sensei the group was only two strong (excluding Sensei) and was soon to become one; just Me. The only option available for the future then was to join another fresh batch of "Absolute Beginners" and start all over again. So that's what I did!

Hello

This process repeated with alarming and monotonous regularity and I lost count of the number of hyped-up, well meaning but confused and over enthusiastic people that I encountered in the Dojo only once or twice; then never to be seen again.
Of all the comings and goings one face did however become familiar as 'someone in another group' and I further assumed that he would be "Advanced" (in Tai Chi) compared to myself. It transpired that this person was not particular or necessarily 'further on' than I, but actually and in effect just going through the same process as myself. He was also the only 'survivor' of many a group and was, as I, forever starting over and over from the beginning - with 'beginners'. For reasons only known by himself, Sensei never put the two of us in the same group! We did get to know each other some years later and it has now transpired that this person (Gordon Backhouse, see below) has become my practice partner and Senior Instructor here within the Organisation/Sangha of www.taichido.
Returning now to Sensei's first good-bye ...

Despite all of this apparent 'stop-start' I did manage to learn the whole of the Yang Long Form under Sensei's instruction, and I now look back on distinct phases or techniques of teaching employed by him over the period.
At first, Sensei stood at the front of the group and was himself the model to follow. His spoken instructions were comprehensive and detailed.
As time went on (say ... over the first year) his vocal instructions lessened.
Later still he removed himself from view during Form Practice and took a broad view of the group from the rear.
Later still he removed himself from the group and circled the room looking inward at us all. When he began this 'scrutinising' phase he continued with vocal assistance and prompts. Gradually these verbal instructions lessened.

After about three years of this, Sensei did finally inform 'the group' (two of us excluding Sensei !) one evening, that the time had come for us to perform the whole of the Long Form (very slow - about 40 minutes) with him simply silently watching from wherever and whatever angle.
We did that ... and then Sensei said, "Group Disbanded."
Group Disbanded! That's it? I wrote to him the next week saying (a little sarcastically), "you have got on hell of a sense of humor, haven't you?" ... and our relationship continued. But something had changed.
A year or two later I met Gordon again at a Martial Art event (Budo) that was in part organised by Sensei. Gordon, one other and myself were designated 'roommates' for the four day duration. My relationship with Gordon (as above) continues. The last I heard of our other roommate 'Danny' last was that he was travelling across India.

Good-bye ... again!

Sensei's next abrupt move a year or so on was equally epoch making - for me at least.
It was whist attending the Budo (as above) with Sensei that he for the first time encouraged me to 'teach', and he went so far as to invite me to contribute as guest speaker at a Philosophy session during the Budo.
As I read between the lines during our time together then I got the impression that he had become somehow disillusioned; and I began to suspect then that he was seriously reconsidering his practice (e.g. 'regime' or 'combination of ...'). My suspicions were confirmed a few months later when he announced that he had 'retired' entirely from Tai Chi instruction ... and that 'his' students were now (if they felt that they still needed a teacher) 'my' students! I have already identified one of these as Gordon. The only [proof of statistic!] other is Mark Allen a.k.a. Webmaster www.taichido.com. The rest of the group now also deserve recognition: Sue who 'came before' all others and Matt - Gordon's twin brother and Tai Chi Ruler specialist. The 'others' are significant but only two. Adam, who has regularly attended groups with me as his instructor for a couple of years now (nearing halfway through study of part three of the Long Form) and Richard. The latter is essentially at the same point of study as Adam, but his challenge is complicate further by living here with at "Doshi Home"; an ordinary house with room for a Dojo at the top.

There is a thin line that can be drawn between apathy and practice, and another just as fine between practice and obsession. The gauge or complexity of these lines need not be thickened by heroic acts that demand admiration, or deepened by degrees of difficulty decided in advance as justification of future failure.

A friend of mine once said: "The hardest about going out for a jog is putting my trainers on"!
The notion "I will fail" is the classic self fulfilling prophecy. Failure is predicted, therefore failure is planned for, therefore failure the likely outcome!
Another friend once told me of her ambition to play a Steinway Grand Piano at the Albert Hall; with candelabra and all the trimmings. She then added, "But first I have to learn how to play the piano"!

Success is usually proportionate to application. Lots of application=lots of chances of success. A bit of application=a bit of a chance. No application=no chance. Therefore the antipathies of failure is "application". This 'dedication' should not be confused with ambition or the desire of a particular or specific outcome. Endeavor becomes meaningful when there is application and 'the doing' becomes its own reward. This attitude is as valid as motivation at work, at home and in 'ordinary' situations. It is also a fundamental of the Code of Martial Art (Budo).

and finally ...

Look out for big changes at the website "Doshi Home".
This site allows me a certain freedom to express personal views. But is there such a thing as 'an original thought'? My rebuild theory begins with that premise! With Mark's invaluable assistance I have worked on some of my web skills and hope to use this skill and the flexibility of the medium to the full within my rebuild. Please keep visiting and forgive me if you ever experience any difficulty during any visit. Mark and I allays appreciate all feedback